Advent Children:Revised
by Hollowed Shame
Summary: A spoof on the upcoming movie Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy, Advent Children, or any other random characters that I may happen to throw into this mess. Now if you please, read on!

Advent Children: Revised

Footsteps creaked on the floor boards of the old church. A lone figure, slowly strode along the center aisle through the pews, a certain sadness surrounding him. If one looked closely, they could see that he was clothed entirely in black, the left side of his attire being long sleeved and the other leaving his arm bare. Half of a cape loosely swished about from his left leg and heavy leather boots thudded against the floor- the source of the footsteps. Messy, spiked blonde hair was strewn about in every direction on top of his head in an uneven fashion. On one side, an earring engraved to look like a snarling wolf was pinned to his ear, the emblem matching that of his shoulder armour. Underneath the shield of blonde hair, piercing mako blue eyes stared at the scene ahead of him.

A creak caught the man's attention, and he gazed upward for the source of the noise, continuing his slow pace all the while. He decided to ignore the noises of the old church and proceeded to avert his gaze downward once more, just in time for a board in the ceiling to fall and smack him in the back of the head.

Cloud unleashed an unnecessarily loud cry of anguish and stumbled over one of the old church pews, breaking it. His pathetic look of being covered in dust and broken wood didn't bother him, and he decided to do what he had come here for in his current position.

That, and the fact that he seemed to have thrown out his back in the process didn't exactly give him the initiative he needed to continue to the altar.

Taking in a deep breath and letting out a heavy sigh, Cloud began to speak what he had come here to say.

" I… I think I just want to be forgiven…" He choked out, tears flowing down his cheeks. Unfortunately being upside down made the tears roll back into his eyes, their saltiness burning to what he could've sworn was his soul.

In a childish panic, Cloud flew from his current position, un-throwing out his back, and returning to the aisle floor on his face. More tears came to his face as he thought of the very person he had come here for.

" Aeris…" He said softly, since the nasty landings he had just experienced had pretty well knocked the wind out of him for good. He thought of the woman, and images began to pass through his mind. Her pretty pink dress, her emerald green eyes, and of course her long flowing brown hair. Long and flowing, and framing her beautiful face.

He longed to touch her chestnut locks, cascading from her top… Just as another wooden board cascaded its way from the roof and cracked him in the back of the head.

" Fuck this shit!" Cloud abruptly stood, cracking his head off another pew. He stormed angrily out of the church, while rubbing all of the freshly made bumps on his head. Climbing onto the motor cycle he had parked outside, he flipped his middle finger at the church. A bird in the sky fell and landed in his face and the shock made him hit the gas peddle. The dead animal fell off and he managed to finally get going on his way. After all, he was only supposed to have delivered the package three days ago.

Yes that's right. The saviour of the world. The one to have defeated Sephiroth and stopped freaking Armageddon from happening was now your neighbourhood fucking delivery boy. It didn't matter if he had saved the world- oh no- he still couldn't find a bloody job. Of course, that situation also came from not really having applied for any, but he needed something to rant about mentally, since that was always a good way to not focus on the road and cause the next news breaking traffic accident.

Lucky for Cloud, the only people on the road with him were three ominous looking people, all clad in black leather and each of them equipped with an uncanny resemblance to his former silver haired foe.

As they caught up to him, they slowed and stayed beside him. Cloud went about for atleast five minutes of this without realizing there was something wrong when people were doing this. So he looked over at one of them.

This one appeared to be the youngest of the three, his silver hair reaching to just above his shoulders. Somehow, Cloud was good enough to judge that even though it was whipping about in the wind which clicked to his mind that they were probably going at least 80 over Midgar's standard highway speed limit. Aside from that, the young man had a pale complexion, and was clothed almost entirely in a black leather garment that looked suspiciously like a feminine cat suit. He held a long, double-bladed sword, with the kanji for the name "Souba" written on one blade and the word "Wutai" on the other. The creepiest thing about him though, aside from the sword that could obviously gut Cloud, was his eyes, which were piercingly green and cat-like… And if you looked close enough you could almost see the line of the contacts that made them that way…

The blonde man stared intensely at this new foe, and then of course flashed his best delivery boy smile. " Strife Delivery Service, how can I help you?"

The silver haired man seemed taken back by this and looked confused, giving Cloud the time to push a button on his dash board. Suddenly, the sides of his motor bike flew open revealing his certainly impressive arsenal of swords and weapons. Without looking he reached for his ultimate weapon and pulled it out, the compartment closing behind its removal. He smirked at his opponent and struck a pose. The three figures just laughed.

The blonde was in disbelief. How could the fools laugh in the presence of Ultima Weapon! He gazed over at his precious sword. And although the Nailbat WAS a formidable weapon… It just wasn't cool. In fact Cloud realized how Neanderthal-like he probably looked.

" How cute Kadaj," One of the other people stated, this one having longer hair than the first. " He thinks that barbaric piece of wood is frightening." Cloud glared at this one, and getting a better look made him mentally declare that this was obviously a woman. He suddenly forgot all about Aeris and focused on the female in front of him. He got hot in the pants studying her, with the woman's long silvery hair and beautiful yellowy-green eyes. Even after vowing to never love a woman with a smaller chest, having taken a step down from Tifa to Aeris of course, he found himself attracted to her. And the black leather trench coat made her all the more a sexy beast. Apparently, this chick had noticed him staring at her, and she looked mentally disturbed, swerving the motorcycle she was on farther away from the blonde and staring at him wide eyed.

The third person, a man took the time to speak. " Are we gonna fight him, or are we just going to waste the gas on these things?"

Cloud then remembered his delivery and knew this was know time to fight. " Hey, look you guys, can we fight another time? I've kinda got a package…"

" That makes four of us." The younger looking one stated. Cloud contemplated this, and then horrified, he looked up at the chick.

" YOU'RE A HERMAPHRODITE!" He cried.

" Uh…" The person's face flushed slightly.

" Ohhhh… Now that's kinky… I've never tried that kinda woman in the sack before…" Cloud said aloud.

Before he knew it 'she' had pulled next to him, and had a gun blade pointed in his face. A leather-clad finger cocked the gun. " I'M A FUCKING GUY YOU ASS BAG!" The apparent 'he' roared, and fired. The shot just missed Cloud's face and he dropped the Nailbat. The four vehicles then screeched to a halt.

The longer haired man still had his gun pointed at Cloud and he continued ranting and screaming at him. The younger one, supposedly named Kadaj, then spoke to his shorter haired brother next to him.

" Loz, should we stop Yazoo?"

" Probably, we don't want him killing off Strife just yet."

" Hmm. Good point." Kadaj looked over at a fearful Cloud and a wrathful Yazoo. " Uh… Ahem. I think we should actually fight now. Mother will flip you know if we're not back in time for dinner and… uh…" The youngest looked onward in bewilderment and disgust as Yazoo seemed ready to show Cloud the only true blue form of evidence that he was male.

" Will you guys do something about him!" Cloud cried.

" Uh. Yeah. Loz, sedate Yazoo. For the greater good of all heterosexual males in the vicinity."

" Sure thing. Oh Yazoo, come here. I think Mother forgot your meds this morning…" Loz shakily held out a pill that he had taken from… well… nowhere.

" DRUGS!" Yazoo immediately sprang from his position and snatched the pill and almost his elder brother's entire arm. Popping it into his mouth he sat down and began bobbing his head in a mellow fashion as if to some unknown music.

" Now. On to the real conflict." The youngest of the three men spoke up. " We have come to claim your life Cloud Strife. And we have come to claim it now."

" But… I still haven't delivered my package yet…" The blonde lowered his head in sadness.

" What…? Are you serious man?" Loz looked at him, his eyes full of concern.

" Yes… I couldn't find a decent job after Meteor… After Sephiroth… So I started my own business. I've never been this late for a delivery, and now…" His voice began to quiver and his lower lip trembled dangerously. " I'LL NEVER GET THERE!" Cloud sobbed falling off his bike and to his knees. " I'LL NEVER-EVER-EVER BE ABLE TO LIVE MY DREAM!" He looked up at Kadaj and Loz, who were both starting to get teary eyed.

Kadaj pulled a Kleenex out of his pocket and wiped his eyes. " That… That's so… unbelievably sad…" He started to cry with heaving sobs. " He'll never… live out his dream… And some guy… will never have a package…"

Loz blew his nose on his own Kleenex and started to sob himself. " Wh-what… was your dream?"

The blonde haired man looked at them with intense sadness. " To… To… Um… I don't know…" He stopped crying and sniffed slightly.

The two silver haired men were suddenly hugging him. " BUT YOU'LL STILL NEVER GET THERE!" They bawled in unison.

Cloud pushed them off and left them to cry. He realized this was his chance to escape and he took it. Taking one last look back at his newly discovered enemies, he climbed onto the Fenrir and drove off.

Unfortunately he only made it about three miles down the highway before he ran out of gas, and thus had to walk the rest of the way.

Of course after a few more hours he had reached his destination. He looked around at the house numbers and looked at the package he was holding. He matched the numbers up and walked up to the correct house, knocking on the door.

After about ten minutes he was just about ready to give up when the door finally opened. A man, in a wheelchair whom was covered in a white sheet answered the door.

" You must be Cloud Strife. Do come in." He said in a low ominous voice that screamed 'diddler' but the blonde took the invitation to enter the house anyway.

" I have been waiting for you. I must tell you your destiny."

" I thought my destiny happened two years ago."

" WRONG! Your destiny has just begun. You have come across Kadaj and his gang have you not?"

" Yeah, actually just a little while ago." Cloud thought back to the experience.

" Yes, they are young and very violent." The figure muttered.

" So, what's your point?"

" Kadaj and his gang have suddenly made their appearance, just around the same time a new disease called Geostigma has begun circulating. This disease is a very powerful epidemic that will kill thousands if these three aren't stopped. Regretfully, the disease has already reached me."

" Again, what's your point?"

" I want you to protect me from Kadaj." The man stated simply.

" Um, why? What did they do to you? And how do you know all this stuff?" Cloud questioned.

The man let out a low laugh. " Having never left my house in over a year, it is easy that one would assume I wouldn't know much. However in every epic tale there is always a character who is crippled and omniscient. In other words I'm fucking useless, annoying, and a downright stupid old dirt-bag, but if you don't drag me along you will lose valuable knowledge that only needs to be told to you for storyline purposes and that the reader or viewer has already figured out."

" Oh. Ok. Well I should get going now." The blonde turned on his heel to leave.

" Wait, I believe you have my package."

" I do! …Oh… yeah… here. What is it anyway?" He asked, handing it over.

" Well, like I said I don't get outside much and while watching T.V. I saw an infomercial about a GeoStigma cure and like any hopelessly death-bound, aging individual I thought I might as well try it to see if I can prolong my miserable life."

" Ahhh, I see. Well bye."

" Fairwell, my child of destiny."

Cloud shut the door behind him and quickly edged away from the psycho's house, making his way off into the night.

-

A/N: Oh well RR, and hopefully you at least cracked a smile at this. And if you have time, review my other stories, I'd really appreciate it! Ciao!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the already owned people in this story. Blah.

Advent Children: Revised

Cloud walked through a dim and gloomy forested area, his surroundings being lit up slightly by a mysterious light. It was a creepy place to be, and quite frankly Cloud wouldn't have been there if it weren't for this sudden urge to go someplace unsettling with the slightest feeling that a meeting out of the ordinary might coincide with the defeat of the three silver haired fellows he had met the other day. The feeling was very, very slight, but his thoughts of it were cut off by a rustle amongst the bushes.

The blonde haired man jerked around, just in time to catch a glimpse of a figure jumping upward. Gracefully, the caped man bounded from the ground and acrobatically ascended onto a tree branch.

Or at least he would have, had his torn cape not caught a twig and sent him crashing onto his face.

Cloud gave the man an odd look before laughing at him. "Hey, Vincent? I hear you've been off on 'trip'! HAHA!"

Vincent rose to his feet in a ghostly fashion, and dusted himself off. Glaring at Cloud, he spoke. "I have no time for this childishness. Cloud, a darkness is lurking in the corners of this planet, waiting to overcome the light of our renewing planet's hope."

"This planet has no corners you dumb ass. It's round." The blonde pointed out.

"That is aside from the point; it was just a metaphor…"

"Gods, Vincent, when did you last take a bath? You've been camping in that box again for two years haven't you? You smell like musty garbage!"

"You are acting like a child Strife. I fear the terrible darkness that is spreading across our lush green planet may be browning its surface faster than I thought…" Vincent hung his head in disappointment of his former companion.

"Haha…" Cloud sniggered slightly, trying to regain himself.

"What could be so funny at such a wrong time?"

"Brown…" The blonde haired man grinned like a small child.

The box-dwelling man rolled his eyes at his less than mature companion. "I should have figured the planet would have nothing to depend on once again. Then again, of course the planet did depend that fate would draw together what it did in the past."

"Yeah I always thought that was kinda strange. I mean, how did the planet expect that we were going to go out of our way to bust into some old mansion, run around the house and look behind chairs for a bunch of clues for a safe-code, open the safe and get attacked by some weird ugly thing, magically get the urge to take the key we got out of it into the basement, and then suddenly get this strong urge to pop the lid on a coffin in there. But wouldn't you know it, some creepy 'fuck-in-the-box' like you popped right out to say hello. Then on top of that you slammed the box in our faces, and then came after US to join." The former leader of AVALANCHE smiled at the memory, whilst a vein on Vincent's forehead had just about reached its point of explosion.

"I don't care about that! I've come here to tell you about Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz!" The dark man interrupted violently.

"Huh? Oh them. Yeah, some cripple mentioned them the other day. That and something about Geostigma and some other stuff I don't really care about.

"Cloud this is important. Those three are very dangerous. They have the head of JENOVA in their possession… And with it they could create another Sephiroth..." Vincent explained in an ominous and overdone tone that made the so called villains seem even cheesier.

"I thought they already were three new Sephiroths…"

"No Cloud, I mean a new Sephiroth. Just like the old one. With the same attributes, the same features, the same soul. The only difference would be an increased amount of power."

"Oh, I guess that is bad."

"Worse than bad… It's… worse-bad…"

"So, Vincent, do you know what Geostigma is?" Cloud asked his dark-haired friend. The man's red eyes narrowed at the sound of this term.

"Geostigma is the Lifestream's way of ridding evil from our bodies…" The man said darkly.

"I thought our bowels did that."

"I honestly don't think I can take any more of this childishness. Cloud, I think I'm going to leave for now. We will meet again soon. Farewell." Vincent turned on his heel to leave, his cape swishing about as he walked gracefully.

"Hey man, take care, and take a bath!" With that, Cloud also took his leave.

When he had managed to make his way for a good ten minutes or so through this forest, he found himself near his motor cycle, which he had conveniently replaced along with all his swords from the other day. After all, what else did you expect him to do with all that extra Gil from two years ago? And besides, how would this story make any commercial impact on the world if it's hero didn't drive a vehicle that could easily be replicated in miniature plastic form to waste all your money on?

Anyway, he got on his motorcycle, The Fenrir, and did the most unlikely thing possible on it. He started it and drove off. Well this was certainly a pretty big forest Cloud soon discovered as driving through it wasn't getting him anywhere. Suddenly, the place grew more ominous feeling, partially because it was getting very dark, and also because a few bullets had just whizzed by his head.

Turning around quickly, Cloud saw the three silver haired fiends from the other day. Kadaj just smirked and laughed maniacally at the blonde, as Loz and Yazoo fired insanely at him. With a gasp, he made a sharp turn, the bullets narrowly missing him and lodging themselves into a nearby tree. Cloud opened the side compartments of his bike and grabbed a sword, the large blade of Ultima Weapon glowing brilliantly as he drew it from its slot. The side panels closed and Cloud hit the gas as hard as he could, forgetting the speed of his vehicle and almost falling off it. Yazoo and Loz continued their fire, until Loz ran out of ammo. Upon this he tossed his gun blade aside, which knocked Kadaj in the side of the head and rendered him unconscious.

"Oops…" The oldest of the three silver haired brothers looked at his drooling, unconscious sibling.

"Good one, genius. Now I think you're supposed to attack Cloud." Yazoo continued firing at the blonde man, whom was growing closer on his motor cycle every second.

"How come you never run out of ammo?"

"Because I'm magical, brother." Yazoo turned to his brother and laughed manically like a retard.

"Oh…" Loz pondered this, but both of them turned as they heard a loud crack.

"SHIT!" Cloud yelled as he hit a tree root and flew off the Fenrir. He collided into the ground with a sickening crack that made even his enemies wince.

"That has gotta feel pretty fucked up. I wonder if he can bend his leg like that normally?" The eldest of the two questioned aloud with a blank look on his face, resulting in Yazoo giving him a sneer.

"Will you just shut up and get him while he's down!" He snapped.

"Oh, yeah… Right!" Loz immediately lost the stupid look and returned to his ominous and evil face. A crackle of blue electricity flowed through the Dual Hound, the metallic weapon grafted into his left arm. He grinned with malice at the blonde haired man in front of him, who had just gotten to his feet. The two stared intensely at one another for about two minutes, until an impatient gunshot from Yazoo scared Loz into charging at Cloud.

Loz ran up to his blonde haired nemesis, and swung with incredible force, the Dual Hound just missing Cloud's head. Cloud's eyes widened in shock as the man's left arm crackled with energy again, and he swung once more. Another miss ensued, even narrower than the first and Cloud decided to now do something about it instead of staying mesmerized by the pretty blue lights.

Cloud started swinging the sword as hard as he could; his foe simply dodged all of his attempts by acrobatically flipping over the wide blade. Loz countered Cloud by swinging straight for his chest, a move which the blonde blocked with his blade. Unfortunately he was knocked back about forty feet or so from Loz's somewhat overwhelming strength. Cracking back-first off a tree, Cloud slumped to the ground in a heap, blood trickling from his mouth.

Loz laughed at his opponent, and moved aside slightly. "Hey Yazoo, you can finish him!"

Yazoo gracefully spun around and took aim at Cloud. The shot was perfect, and this would surely be the end for Cloud. His finger caressed the trigger of the Velvet Nightmare, and then in a sharp jerk pulled it…

But nothing happened besides a small clicking noise. Frustrated he pulled the trigger again, and still nothing but a small click sounded from the gun blade. He rapidly began pulling the trigger like a maniac.

"What the hell!"

"I think you ran out of ammo, 'Mr. Magical'." Loz laughed sarcastically at his brother.

"Shut up will you!"

"You asked me to talk!"

"I was talking to myself!"

"No you weren't!"

"Yes I was!"

"I'll tell Mother you were arguing with me again!"

"And I'll tell Mother you clocked Kadaj in the head with a gun!"

"You wouldn't tell that to Mother, would you Yazoo!"

"I just might."

"NO!"  
The two brothers continued arguing, even as a very sore-headed Kadaj came around. He sat up looking around and then pondered out loud. "Hey guys what's going on…?"

"I'm going to tell Mother!" Yazoo grinned maniacally at his older brother, whose eyes were getting teary.

"Nooooo, Yazoooooooo, anything but that!"

"Oh yes, and you'll get into such deep trouble."

"Yazoo, shouldn't you be shooting at Cloud with that gun blade of yours?" Kadaj piped up in the midst of his siblings little argument, getting up in the process.

"Wow, that small voice in my head that sounds suspiciously like Kadaj is right. I should reload my gun blade." Yazoo pulled a few bullets out of his pocket, obviously a very safe and warm place to keep bullets. He ran his hand up the shaft of the gun to find the opening to reload it, but pricked his finger on the blade. "OW, STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!"

Yazoo cursed his weapon and then tossed it behind him, knocking Kadaj on the other side of the head. The youngest yelped and succumbed to his subconscious with his second concussion of the day.

Cloud just watched the havoc up ahead from the three silver haired guys. He saw another perfect opening to sneak away from his enemy's sight, so he put the skills he never learned in SOLDIER to use, and crawled army style over to his bike.

Somehow without the two conscious men noticing, he had managed to start the bike and get it going. He was far enough away that he didn't have to worry when he finally heard them start hollering, signalling they had noticed his escape.

"That bastard got away from us! We have to chase him!" Yazoo shrieked, while shaking his fist at the moving vehicle.

"But… What about Kadaj?" Loz whined, resulting in his younger sibling to gaze over at the youngest.

"Hmmm…" Yazoo put his thumb and index finger under his chin and pondered for a second. "Meh, just leave him there. He'll just slow us down."

"True, but where do we put him so that we remember him?" The eldest questioned, while gathering his 'baby' brother in his arms.

"Uhhh… Umm…" Looking around, yellow-green eyes fell on something promising. Yazoo's eyes lit up and he tilted his head to the side with a smile. "There!"

"What?"

"There's a river there! If we put Kadaj in there, we can remember where we put him!"

"Good idea! There's no possible way he could get misplaced by doing that!" Loz ran over to the bank and tossed Kadaj in. The boy flew and smacked off a log, guaranteeing he would at least stay unconscious for a while longer.

"Alright let's get going, we've got a Cloud to catch!"

" Haha…"

"What is it Loz?"

"Hehe… cloud… That's a funny word."

"Yeah…" The two hustled over to their motorcycles and hopped on, starting them up and tearing off after their target.

-

A phone rang inside a bar, the noise echoing around the empty, wooden building. It was just after last call, and the Seventh Heaven had just cleared out all of its regular alcoholics and drunks. Tifa Lockheart had just finished drying the last glass of the bars dishes for the night, and after a couple of bar fights happening that evening and the place getting partially trashed, the last thing she wanted to do was talk to someone on the phone.

"He's not here." She said aloud, having had received plenty of calls lately asking for Cloud. The phone still persisted with its ringing however, and finally she gave in.

She picked up the black receiver, and with a sigh she answered. "Hello, this is Seventh Heaven, and it's currently after hours, so I can't service you right now."

"You have seven days." Said a creepy muffled voice.

"Excuse me?"

"Seven days."

"Seven days? Until what?"

"I am your father."

"What? What the hell are you talking about!"

"I can see you right now Tifa Lockheart."

"Where are you?"

"I'm in your house."

"And I'm not there."

"Oh…"

"Yeah."

"Well, I can still see you."

"How?"

"With my Kaleidoscope…"

"You mean telescope?"

"Er... uh... yeah… OH FUCK THIS SHIT!" The creepy person hung up, and Tifa just hung up her end of the phone with a huff.

Suddenly, the phone began to ring once again. This time Tifa was even more irritated, and she was not going to answer it. She was too busy to, for she had a job to do.

Tifa grabbed hold of her coat and slipped it on. Putting on a pair of black shoes and grabbing the key to the bar off the counter, she locked the place up and left for the orphanage down the street.

Yes, Tifa had become a caretaker of orphans. She was a daycare lady by day, caring for puking, screaming kids and a bartender by night, caring for the puking, screaming drunks that it brought. Walking down the ruined street of what had once been the great city of Midgar, she soon found herself at the door of a small building, which revealed it to be her destination.

Little did she know that the second call was a distress call from Cloud, whom now had two VERY angry Sephiroth people after him.

-

Now having reached the highway that had been paved around Midgars ruins, Cloud closed his cell phone frantically and pressed the gas harder. Looking behind him, Loz and Yazoo were rapidly gaining on his ass, and he knew he was going to have to fight soon. The longer haired of the two pulled out the Velvet Nightmare and aimed it straight at Cloud, firing a few shots at him. Cloud felt one of the shots hit the metal exterior of his bike.

"Fuck you! That's my paint job bastard!" He swerved suddenly and went straight for Yazoo, who seemed taken back by this.

Cloud grabbed another sword using his convenient sword panel and drove at Yazoo in a rage holding the swords in a scissor like fashion. The middle child of his enemies just smirked and held out his gun blade.

The blonde man laughed at this, expecting by far to just cut the thing and his opponents arm off. Instead, the man actually pushed Cloud's pathetic ass back and the two bikes started spinning out of control in the middle of the highway. Cloud let go and steadied himself on the Fenrir, turning and driving straight now. He had dropped one of the swords and kept his Ultima Weapon at hand.

Loz drove up beside Cloud and swung his Dual Hound at him, with an evil grin. "Where is Mother?"

"How the hell should I know, don't you know where you put your own Mom dammit!" The blonde responded, narrowly dodging the blow.

"You've been hiding her from us haven't you, brother?" Yazoo questioned, raising his gun blade.

"Yeah, I've been keeping her in my ass this whole time!" Cloud said sarcastically, rolling his eyes which was answered with gun fire.

Glowing, blue eyes met glowing, yellow eyes which were full of hate. "How could you do that to her! Sealing Mother in your rectum is no way to treat her!"

" I was being sarcastic."

"Oh." Yazoo looked calm again, but suddenly flared back up. "Oh well. DIE!"

Both silver haired men swerved their vehicles, trying to slam into Cloud. The blonde haired man mad e some evasive movements until they were in a dark tunnel under a roadway. The younger of the two enemies engaged in another death dance with Cloud, only to be cracked in the face with the flat of Ultima Weapons blade. Yazoo whined and held the side of his face.

"My face! You jerk! You hit me in the face!" He complained like a whining schoolgirl.

"Yeah, I know I did." Cloud then throttled his long haired nemesis in the abdomen and knocked him off his motorcycle.

Yazoo wiped out and started to cry, bring his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth like a child. Upon seeing the defeat of his younger sibling Loz knew he had to do something drastic. With incredible force, Loz hammered his fist into the ground to stop his vehicle, instead of just hitting the breaks and leapt off. He grabbed it and hurled the bike at Cloud.

Cloud's eyes widened in shock and he quickly got out of the way as the bike collided with Yazoo and clocked him into the wall.

"Oops." Loz just grinned sheepishly as the blonde man escaped their villainous clutches once more onto the open highway.

'That was close…' Thought Cloud, as he continued on his merry way. Unfortunately as he gazed ahead he saw a familiar figure, with shoulder length silver hair blocking his path.

Kadaj smirked at him, a look of pure malice and evil, and then raised his left hand. Glowing blue energy began to pour from the black band around his wrist and into his fingers, crackling around him. He let out a yell and sent streams of blue energy flying at Cloud.

The beams looped around and made their way behind him, blowing up and creating a huge explosion that Cloud's Fenrir just couldn't outrun. The vehicle was forced skyward, and toward his enemy ahead. The blonde man readied his sword and swung downward, steering the bike in Kadaj's direction.

The younger man smirked and spun with grace, whipping out Souba in the process. The two mighty blades collided and a shower of sparks flew in their wake.

Kadaj then let out a cry of anguish as one of the sparks proceeded to jam itself into his eyeball.

"AHHH! MY FRIGGIN' EYE!" Kadaj started to frantically flail and rub his eye, sword still in hand.

"Ouch man," Cloud said as he walked over from the wreck that once was the Fenrir. "You should put some water in that."

"Do you see any water around here in this barren, rocky wasteland you fool!"

"Nope."

"Of course not! AND MY EYE STILL BURNS!"

Loz and Yazoo emerged from the highway tunnel on their vehicles. Loz was ahead and he halted to a stop, this time by hitting the breaks, a look of concern plastered to his face. Yazoo on the other hand was coming up behind and he was not happy. He approached with a glare in his glowing eyes, which were now red and bloodshot, and his gun blade glinting from his vehicles light. His hair whipped about in the wind, and his trench coat fluttered wildly behind him, as he grew closer to the trio ahead. It would have been would have been a most intimidating sight to Cloud, and he might have actually soiled himself…

Had Yazoo's trench coat not caught itself in his back tire and thrown him off the bike. The silver haired menace flew of the bike and thumped onto the ground like a rock.

Cloud and Loz stared in bewilderment, and Kadaj stared through one eye at the heap of the ground. After a couple of minutes, it let out a small, pathetic cry which caused both Cloud and Loz to laugh hysterically at it. Kadaj on the other hand was not amused. He pointed Souba directly at Cloud's throat, which cause the blonde to shriek.

"Strife, it is time!" He tried to say in an ominous voice, but then he gazed at his right wristband, which apparently had the time on it. "Holy shit! Mother is gonna be so pissed off at us! Er well…" His eyes darted, and he cleared his throat, his voice becoming low and ominous. "My brothers and I must take our leave for now… But beware Strife! The planet is about to experience a great calamity! AHAHAHAHAHAAHA!"

"Huh? You aren't going to kill me? But the chance is perfect!" Cloud tried to speak but was cut off once again by Kadaj.

"What kind of villains would we be if we didn't run away at every chance we got to kill you? Hello? All powerful and unbeatable villains do this! We haul ass just before we are about to wipe the floor with you and your friends, and we do it every time, that way it is ensured that you grow strong enough to defeat us and then we get to be all like 'Oh no! How did you become so powerful!' and then we die! MWAHAHAHAHAAHA!" With that Kadaj turned on his heel and scurried off maniacally, at a hyperactive speed which made Cloud wonder if he was pumped with sugar all his life and not mako.

"Well ok…" The blonde haired man turned towards Loz, laughing slightly once more at the heap that was Yazoo. "I guess I'll see you guys around then?"

"I guess so!" Loz chirped.

Cloud waved goodbye to the duo, and Loz gave a cheerful wave. Yazoo simply twitched his hand and made some retard noise, which he decided meant good bye in some odd way. Heading over to his wreck, he climbed on and was off on his way once more.

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A/N: Meh I know, not a very funny chapter. I hope more people give feed back so I can try and make it funnier, or at least write more nonsense! I need encouragement! But I do give thanks to those of you who liked my last chapter and reviewed! It's really appreciated! As always REVIEW!


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